I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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