I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
