please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
