Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
