We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
