He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
