u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
