Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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