Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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