my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
