I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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