Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's great music for shaving your balls
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
