I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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