summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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