apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
