i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
