I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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