She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
