I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
