If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
