There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
