yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
