Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
