Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
