I think my fart just growled at me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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