Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
