just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
