He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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