I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
