do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
