I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
