I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
