...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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