why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
