He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
