A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
