He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
try to milk me bitch
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