So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
