He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
