Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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