I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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