my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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