yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
