I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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