I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
