if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
