it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize