I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
