Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
