I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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