I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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