when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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