I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
