U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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