i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
