it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found your dick twin last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
