Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this will be a night to untag.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Boobs speak an international language.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
