i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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