Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
