she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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