u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
