I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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