Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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