i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
