Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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