Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
